Are you happy?

One of my dad's favorite scriptures is 2 Nephi 15:27: And it came to pass that we lived after the manner of happiness.

I've been thinking lately about what we all really want in life ... isn't it happiness? Happiness for ourselves and those we love?

So ... what makes us happy? How can you and me "live after the manner of happiness?"

As I've looked back on my life, I've found that when I go through difficult times, such as losing a loved one or failed relationships, I tend to isolate myself and feel sorry for myself. While I think these actions and feelings aren't necessarily wrong, they definitely don't bring me happiness.

Since I've been serving in the Relief Society presidency (as a counselor) and now as the president, I can honestly say that I've never been happier. I'm surrounded by amazing daughters of our Heavenly Father. I love visiting with each of you and getting to know you a little bit. I see your talents and the awesome things you are doing in with your lives. It brings me happiness. I feel so blessed to have this calling and I love each one of you. I sincerely want every one of you to be happy.

As I've been thinking about what makes us happy, I've come across a few resources in my gospel study that have helped me answer this question. I'd like to share them with you with the hope that you will read them and find what you think will help you and then apply it to you life.

• Finding Your Life by Elder Christofferson

“When we are engaged in the service of our fellowmen, not only do our deeds assist them, but we put our own problems in a fresher perspective. When we concern ourselves more with others, there is less time to be concerned with ourselves! In the midst of the miracle of serving, there is the promise of Jesus that by losing ourselves, we find ourselves! [See Matthew 10:39.]

“Not only do we ‘find’ ourselves in terms of acknowledging divine guidance in our lives, but the more we serve our fellowmen in appropriate ways, the more substance there is to our souls. … We become more substantive as we serve others—indeed, it is easier to ‘find’ ourselves because there is so much more of us to find!”

• Mormon Message - Lift Others, Heal Yourself

• The Fantasy and Reality of Your Royal Identity by Sarah M. Coyne
• this the the devotional talk that the bishop emailed out to us right after it was delivered

I love this quote from President Uchtdorf (Pride and Priesthood, Oct 2010):

We don’t discover humility by thinking less of ourselves; we discover humility by thinking less about ourselves. It comes as we go about our work with an attitude of serving God and our fellowman.

I would add that we also discover happiness not by thinking less OF ourselves but less ABOUT ourselves. 

Be happy my friends! Take care and serve each other!

 

Meet Hilary Dilmore

Relief Society Spotlight:

Hilary Dilmore

Although Hilary is relatively new to our ward, she won’t be with us for long. She is getting married July 23^rd in the Provo City Center Temple! She met her fiancé, Angel Saña, coming to the United States from the Dominican Republic on LDSPlanet. So, congratulate her the next time you see her and get to know this amazing sister before your opportunity is gone.

 Small-Town Girl

Hilary was born in Brigham City and spent her entire childhood in Corinne, a small town six miles outside Brigham City, population 685. Hilary loved growing up in a small town and said she didn’t just grow up in a family, she grew up in the neighborhood. The children in the town were always outside playing in the woods and down by the river. The parents and the children felt safe and didn’t worry about them, which made for a very social and interactive childhood.

Hilary was third in a family of six children, with two brothers and three sisters, most of whom still live in Utah, but one sister is Germany. Hilary lived with her there for two-and-a-half years. She currently has seven nephews and three nieces.

Hilary has fond memories of camping when she was younger, and remembers that something always seemed to go wrong, but these experiences created great memories. Once, when camping in Mexico, their boat filled up with water and the ended up spending the night on the beach. Another time, the trailer behind their vehicle lost a wheel and they looked on in astonishment as it passed up their car on the road and rolled into a gas station. 

Another family vacation took them to Yellowstone. This was a memorable experience for many reasons. When Hilary’s grandparents were newlyweds, they spent their honeymoon there. Now, at 87, with her husband deceased the year before, Hilary’s grandmother requested that they go one more time to commemorate.

Although things weren’t always easy at home and they faced many family struggles, Hilary’s dad was a great example to her. Her father was abused as a child by his father and had a difficult relationship with him. But Hilary remembers that when she was a teenager, her grandpa called her dad and said that he had nowhere to go and needed someone to pick him up. He ended up spending the last eight years of his life living with them. Her dad’s forgiveness and capacity to love impressed Hilary and had a great influence on her.

Changes Ahead!

               Hilary has many exciting adventures ahead. In addition to getting married in a little over a month, she plans to enroll in the Pathways program this fall to begin studying financial planning and management. Hilary is interested in this field because she wants to better understand money and know what she needs to do to plan for her own future.

               Hilary stays busy working two different jobs (one full-time and one part-time) at two daycares and planning for her upcoming nuptials. She and her fiancé are both introverts and like to spend their discretionary time hanging out at home or driving or biking up the canyon or spending time in parks and nature. She was in the choir in high school and enjoys singing, but mostly just sings on her own and this point in life. She has a love of all kinds of music and her radio often lands on pop music. She is an avid reader of all genres, but likes Fantasy and SciFi in particular. Although she doesn’t go out to eat often, she chooses Italian when she does. She likes to bake and cook and her specialty is cheesecake.

One of Hilary’s best traits is that she is a good listener. In fact, if she could go to lunch and listen to anyone, she would like to visit with William the Conqueror. She loves that part of European history and would want to hear the story of his warpath from him.

Stalwart and True

               Hilary felt that her testimony was truly strengthened and solidified on her mission. She remembers one experience in the MTC in particular. She was teaching one of the investigators, testified, felt the spirit, and knew the gospel was true. She served in the Arizona, Phoenix mission. Her mission president, President Gill, had a tremendous impact on her. She appreciated his knowledge of the gospel and his focus on the development of the missionaries rather than on numbers. She knew he wanted them to strive to be the best that they could be and felt his love and concern for them. Although her mission was a great experience, the heat was a challenge. The first six months she was there in Phoenix, she experienced 110 degree plus weather on a regular basis.

               One of her favorite mission experiences was teaching an investigator in Flagstaff. She had just recently been transferred into a threesome and because the other two sisters knew the investigator and her concerns and it was her first visit with the investigator, she let them conduct and dominate the discussion. At one point, though, the investigator made a comment and Hilary felt impressed that she needed to say something in response. Several weeks later, the investigator came up to her and told her that her comment had really made an impression. Hilary, who had been sitting quietly, bore an amazing testimony that had a strong impact on the investigatory. The investigator’s remark then had a strong impact on Hilary and she knew that she was making a difference as an instrument in the Lord’s hands.

               Hilary’s favorite hymn is Be Still My Soul and she loves to hear President Eyring speak. She appreciates the emotion that she feels from him and the spirit that he brings through his talks. Hilary believes that a good rule of thumb to remember is that: 

“You are no further ahead or further behind than Heavenly Father knew you would be right now.”

My Memories of the Oak Hill 8th Ward

In an effort to follow the Stake Presidency’s directive and collect a ward history, here are some of my memories, thoughts, and feelings of the Oak Hills 8^th Ward. I’ve been in the ward for nearly 4 years now, and I have had a lot of wonderful experiences and have met great people.

I first came to the ward when the bishop was Bishop McLean. What I remember most about the McLeans was their focus on preparedness and becoming self-reliant. We had more than one lesson on emergency preparedness, and I still remember Sister McLean demonstrating how nylons could be used in a pinch to grow radishes, beans, and other greens. Bishop McLean was always encouraging and taught me how to focus on the positive aspects of life’s trials.

One of the annual events held in the 8^th Ward is the Service Auction where members of the ward donate various foods, service, etc., to be auctioned off to ward members. I remember that one year there were certain “items” that garnered so many bidders that the donors decided to double their donation to members of the ward. It was heartening to see so many people donating their time and efforts to help members of the ward and to see so much money collected for charity.

Another aspect of the ward that I’ve been involved in is Book Club. My home teacher, Brent Lybbert, saw the wall of books in my parents’ home and mistakenly thought that I was a prolific reader and a perfect fit to lead the Book Club. How could I say no? (Though I thought that the cat would be let out of the bag quickly, they still haven’t kicked me out—yet). We’ve read wonderful books, difficult books, short stories and even had a nice performance of a Shakespearean prologue (thank you, Brooke Wilkins). We read The Alchemist, Left to Tell, Tuesdays With Morrie, and The Legend of Sleepy Hollow. One of my personal favorites was The Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis which really gave me perspective on life, and on the right and wrong way to live it. I met some great people including Elicia Hansen and Michael Fritchen who were our stalwarts in the club. It was a great way to spend time—talking about the themes and ideas from our books and applying them to the Gospel.

The recent fireside by Diona Lewis also sticks out in my mind. Listening to her share her story and experiences, I was amazed and inspired by her continual faith in our Heavenly Father and her willingness to accept whatever life handed to her.

One of my favorite memories of the 8^th Ward is the Orem Relief Society and the friends that I made there. I remember my amazing visiting teaching companion, Alisa Berryhill, who was always so positive and encouraged all around her. I remember a card night with my visiting teachers where we ate and laughed as we played cards (and I learned that Tara Fitzgerald is very good at any game). I remember visits from the Relief Society Presidency (Heather Porter, Mindy Johnson, Kerri Banister, and Alisa Berryhill) where we talked and laughed and just enjoyed each other’s company for a couple of hours (sorry, I am a talker). I remember great teachers, lots of laughter (thank you, Mikelle Ostler), and a great deal of kindness and compassion as we came together as a relief society. I remember sisters feeling comfortable asking real questions and sharing difficult experiences. Sisters shared their testimony of a loving Heavenly Father and how Jesus Christ and the Atonement had shaped their lives. The Spirit was always so strong as we listened to in-tune and well prepared teachers and leaders who genuinely cared about the sisters, and who the sisters genuinely loved. As Adrienne Woolley was fond of saying, it was like walking into Zion every Sunday.

It has been a great privilege to walk among such great people and spiritual giants in this ward. I am continually amazed at the insight and spiritual understanding of the brothers and sisters in this ward. We have all had wonderful spiritual experiences here, and I am grateful for my time in this ward.

Kirsten Shumway

Choice & Accountability--and Happiness

I believe in a loving Heavenly Father who wants us to get what we want. I believe that He generously grants us anything he can that will make us happy. So why do we not always get what we want?  Why when we rock the interview do we not get the job? Or when we work really hard to be patient with that family member or coworker keep experiencing run-ins or conflict? And what about that relationship on a seemingly great trajectory--Finally, this might be it!--that suddenly falls to pieces? It can be really difficult making sense of certain situations, and we're left asking, "What happened?" or "Where did I do wrong?" Especially with this last example, I have found myself spending hours, days, weeks even--and a lot of tears--trying to process what happened and how I might go back to when things were really, really good. Or recapture an opportunity to generate a different outcome than parting ways.

It all comes down to one wrenching word: agency. Wrenching because sometimes it means making that really, really important decision when we just want someone to tell us what to do.  Or it might mean that the choices of others—or even our own—cause us hurt and pain. But really agency is truthfully and remarkably beautiful, freeing, eternally essential.  So essential that a full-blown war occurred before any of us ever got to Earth. And so pivotal that even when we use it erroneously--or especially when we use it erroneously--a Savior paid the price of suffering and ultimately his life so that we could change. Repent. Start over. Or be healed from the effects of the choices of others--if we choose, and if we let Him heal us.

I have felt strongly that Heavenly Father respects our agency and that that’s one of life’s lessons we were sent to learn:      

“Know this, that every soul is free to choose his life and what he'll be; for this eternal truth is given: that God will force no man to heaven. He'll call, persuade, direct aright, and bless with wisdom, love, and light, in nameless ways be good and kind, but never force the human mind.” (Hymn #240)

So I make choices.  Others makes choices.  And God has a plan for my life.  With all these ingredients I sometimes still wonder:   

"Which part is mine? And Lord, which part is yours? If you'll tell me one more time, I'm never quite sure. I won't cross the line, like I have before, if you'll tell me which part is mine and which part is yours." (Michael McLean)

Something clicked for me during Katrina's lesson a couple of Sundays ago on Choices by President Monson. She told the story of President Eyring's wife choosing to keep the influence of the Spirit in her life. When President Eyring saw her, he knew this was a woman who lived with that influence and was drawn to her. The soon-to-be Sister Eyring was choosing what type of person she wanted to become—not the exact course her life would take. 

Couldn’t I do the same then?  It felt right.  I realized that the only thing I truly have complete control over is the type of person I choose to become.  And if I use my agency for that purpose, I can trust that my Heavenly Father will guide my life down the path He has for me.  The funny thing is, when we choose who we’ll become, and those choices make us more like the Savior, we are choosing the path—back to His presence someday. 

There’s one more choice I wanted to mention that brings freedom:  accountability.  This last thought, and then I’m done:  it can drive us crazy when someone else has the remote to the TV.  They might channel surf, pass shows we enjoy, land on a show we can’t stand, and just when we’ve convinced ourselves we can handle watching, they’re off surfing again.  (I grew up with 8 siblings if you haven’t experienced this.)  The irony is that we frequently pass the remote for our emotional well-being over to other people and their choices.  We allow them to push buttons, determine our mood, and look to them to fix our lacking happiness.  That’s a hefty responsibility—one that others can’t carry.  Nor do they often choose to.  But the Savior can.  And He will.  As we choose to accept accountability for all that we think, say, and do—and for our happiness, He can help us.  Not only can He heal us as we turn to Him, He can teach us how to perceive things, how to respond, how to speak to others, how to forgive, how to let go, how to trust, how to obey, and a myriad of other choices we make to become more like Him. 

“What manner of men ought ye to be?...even as I am.” (3 Nephi 27:27)

As you choose to turn to Him, may your burdens be lighter.  May you feel liberated.  And may the only heaviness you feel be a heart heavy with gratitude for who you are, who you may become, and for a loving Heavenly Father who wants you truly to be happy.  

 

 

If a thing is hard to do ...

If a thing is hard to do, I'll not sit and cry

I will sing a happy song and try, try, try

Tra la la la la la Tra la la la la

Tra la la la la la la Try, Try Try
(click on the link to hear my nephew Asher sing this song)

For some reason our family sang this song at every family home evening. I'm not sure where it came from. It isn't a primary or church song from what I can tell. But I love it. And perhaps subconsciously it has helped me persevere through some hard things or difficult times.

Today I studied Sister Neil Marriott's talk from the women's session of general conference titled, What Shall We Do?

So many things struck me from her words ... 

• We all have unique gifts that we can use for good to NURTURE ourselves, each other, our families, everyone around us
• To mother means ... TO GIVE LIFE
• We can use these unique gifts to nurture and CREATE emotional healing places for each other 
• We can use these unique gifts to help others feel like they belong and are in a spiritually safe place
• As we endure hard things and difficult times with patience, our hearts are being purified and we become more tender, more charitable, more empathetic
• Sisters naturally love to gather and talk ... we can let this natural desire grow into opportunities to teach and lead and nurture each other
• We can love others (and show that love) by making space for them in your life

Sister Marriott concludes her talk with this quote, "All of us need a spiritual and physical place of belonging. We, sisters of all ages, can create this; it is even a holy place."

I sincerely desire that we will try to love (make space in our lives), nurture, and serve each other. As we do this through visiting teaching or otherwise, we will all help create this spiritual and physical place of belonging.

I love you each of you. I truly do. I hope my nephew Asher singing "Try, try, try," brings a smile to your face. I hope we can be there for each other as we build each other, lift each other, and recognize that we are all just "try, try, trying."

Compassionate Service - how can you help?

One of the things I love about human beings is the inherent quality we each seem to have to serve.  Just this last week I watched as my 1 year old niece rushed to comfort her 8 month old cousin who was crying.  She hurried as fast as her little legs could carry her and gave him one of the most comforting things to her, her binki :)  I believe that everyone, no matter their age, continues to have a deep desire to serve those around them.  As we get older though the demands for our time grow and grow and we may feel that we struggle to find the time to serve others around us.  Yes, it is important to do those big service projects that come up from time to time, but I believe that it is the small, seemingly insignificant, things we do that can make the largest impact in the world.  

The following video illustrates this beautifully using dominoes and a from a quote from President Spencer W. Kimball.

https://www.lds.org/media-library/video/topics/service?lang=eng

So often, our acts of service consist of simple encouragement or of giving mundane help with mundane tasks, but what glorious consequences can flow from mundane acts and from small but deliberate deeds! ~President Spencer W. Kimball

Within our ward there are countless little things that our sisters and brothers are struggling with and could use a little bit of help.  We all know that when we are having a tough day sometimes a little smile, even if we hardly know the person, can turn things around for us.  As a compassionate service committee we have come up with a couple of ways for us to first, know what would best help our sisters in times of trial and second, to organize our relief effort.

If you haven’t done so yet we would love for you to complete a simple form about your food likes and dislikes so that if circumstances arise for you where you suddenly need help we can better provide the tailored aid you need http://goo.gl/forms/O3UKPSmCK7 .

The second part of this effort is to provide the aid to our sisters around us.  We all know and have seen the truth of the statement “many hands make light work”  This is especially true for service.  When someone is in need of a meal it doesn’t take much for us to provide one meal.  If I’m needing to cook every night, then it can become a little overwhelming.  We have created a google doc that will help us coordinate our service effort: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1V0iLDL6lXqnOYElm8sTnyJEQTNO57UqazJW1fvZKNw8/edit?usp=sharing

On this you will notice several tabs at the bottom that will direct you to sign ups for different kinds of service.  From meals that need to be delivered, to rides that are needed, to larger service projects that will come up from time to time there is something for everyone to do to serve.

Thank you sisters for everything you do on a daily basis to make the world around you a better place.  We love and admire you for the lives you are leading.

Please let us know if there is anything we can do to better serve you.

Tanya Gale, Compassionate Service Committee

Meet Crista Hill

This week's sister spotlight:

Meet Crista Hill

All Hill (ahem, Hail) the New Graduate!

It’s that time of year when we get to celebrate our recent grads (and when professors are finally reappearing from the grading dens and returning to spotlights! Sorry!). One of those in our Relief Society is the lovely Crista Hill. Hailing from San Jose, California, Crista has just graduated with an MBA from BYU. The 3^rd of 9 children (who has 2 sets of twin siblings!) born on Christmas Eve, Crista is an aunt to 7 nieces and nephews with another on the way. With most of her siblings in Utah now (though she’s also got a brother in Oregon), her big family has moved “east”, too!

No, Not THAT Hollister

When Crista told me about growing up in Hollister, California, I had to ask. Nope. The clothing company did not take its name from the lovely town where Crista grew up. Instead, it got its name from a fake beach they made up. Kinda underscores how cool this real Hollister must be if it inspired a fake beach AND produced an awesome person like Crista!

Where’s the Bacon?

Crista’s family had a lot of fun vacations. She loved visiting the farm in Idaho where her mom grew up. One summer when she was about 8, Crista even helped raise 2 calves. When she was little, they even had pigs, pigs that she absolutely loved. Crista loved being in the country. But then one time, she got there full of anticipation only to discover there were no pigs. But there was lots of bacon. . . .

You Can Take that to the Bank!

After taking a four year break following her undergrad in Finance at BYU, Crista returned to school to her MBA. During that hiatus, she worked for 2.5 years as a Commercial Credit Analysit at American West where she helped process loans for local businesses including writing up the documents those businesses needed for loan approval. She then returned to California to earn her teaching credentials at San Jose State in Elementary Ed.

When Your Family becomes a Moving Target

So, you know when you move closer to family only to have family move to where you are coming from? Ya, that happened to Crista when she moved back to San Jose. Her dad got a job here in Provo not too long after she returned “home”! When she had her teaching credentials in hand, she moved back to Utah and taught 5^th grade for one year. While there were things she liked a lot about teaching, it became clear that this was not what she wanted to do long term.

Pick Your Stress!

Crista’s next move was to return to the world of finance, working with the ultra high stress firm Goldman Sachs for 8 months. Living in the Avenues in Salt Lake in a small studio apartment, it quickly became clear that no matter how stressful it was working at Goldman, it was still less stressful than teaching elementary school. (Hopefully that helps us all be more appreciative of the lives of our sisters who are teachers! J)

MBA = Many Brilliant Adventures (ahead!)

When Crista and I spoke a few weeks ago, she was looking for a job in finance in either Utah or California. Would she prefer a big firm or a small one? Well, she sees the benefits in both. She enjoyed her time at Goldman’s (big!), plus how could she not have liked her internship in Summer 2015 at Amazon (ginormous!) in Seattle. Right next to the water, near outdoor activities, lots of new buildings, new apartments, art and culture. What was there not to like? (Seriously, if you are looking at a change in your current direction, Crista could very well talk you into a job in business with all the cool things she’s gotten to see and do!)

Climb Every Mountain . . . in a Harness and the Right Shoes

So what does Crista do when she’s not rocking the world of finance? You’ll find her hanging

out (literally) on the side of some rock wall. Crista loves climbing and even has membership at one of the local climbing walls. One of the nice things about climbing is that “once you have the gear, the rock is free” (you can quote her on that!). She goes sport climbing up into some canyon on the weekend with her sister (and is generally climbing somewhere a couple of times a week!). For those who have been interested in trying rock climbing, it’s never too late. Crista got started about 5 years ago as a means of getting on good exercise and relieving stress. Some of her favourite places are Rock Canyon and American Fork Canyon. So what can you do during the winter? Well, Vegas also has some good rocks to climb, too, and none of the snow. A while back she went on a trip to Vegas with some people from her old ward. They rented a house and spent the weekend climbing during the winter when the weather was perfect.

Climb High!

Climbing, as it turns out, has some good life lessons. Understandably, climbing is no easy task for those afraid of heights because if you want to get up to the top, the reality is that while there may always be easier routes, there are no lower routes if you want to climb higher. Like life, climbing is a head game.

Yes, I did Say “Primary” and “Singles Ward” in the Same Breath

One of Crista’s favourite callings was when she served as Primary President in a singles ward in South Provo. Yes. I just wrote that. Someone brought their 3 kids to the ward and so they created a primary headed up by yours truly, Crista Hill. The calling lasted a semester, but the memories will last a lifetime. For Crista, it was fun to get back to the basics as she worked with the kids, getting to sing Primary songs and work on fun projects.

Perspectives

Crista’s friends would tell you that she’s pretty easy going, likes to have fun, and is

organized. I’m going to add that she’s got funny stories to tell, too! But when it comes down to it, Crista would hope that others would see her as someone they can rely on to do what she says as well as someone who tries her hardest and respects all people no matter who they are and where they are from.

Forget Energy Drinks . . .

Life in general energizes Crista. Seeing all the people she cares about and trying to move forward in life, constantly working to improve herself, that’s what drives Crista!

Favourite Last Words!

Crista’s favourite quote is one from journalist Jenkin Lloyd Jones that if often attributed to Pres. Hinckley:

“Anyone who imagines that bliss is normal is going to waste a lot of time running around shouting that he’s been robbed. The fact is that most putts don’t drop, most beef is tough, most children grow up to just be people, most successful marriages require a high degree of mutual toleration, most jobs are more often dull than otherwise. Life is like an old time rail journey…delays…sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders and jolts, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling burst of speed. The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride."

Now, make sure to take the time to congratulate Crista and our other graduates whom we will continue spotlighting in the coming weeks.