Choice & Accountability--and Happiness

I believe in a loving Heavenly Father who wants us to get what we want. I believe that He generously grants us anything he can that will make us happy. So why do we not always get what we want?  Why when we rock the interview do we not get the job? Or when we work really hard to be patient with that family member or coworker keep experiencing run-ins or conflict? And what about that relationship on a seemingly great trajectory--Finally, this might be it!--that suddenly falls to pieces? It can be really difficult making sense of certain situations, and we're left asking, "What happened?" or "Where did I do wrong?" Especially with this last example, I have found myself spending hours, days, weeks even--and a lot of tears--trying to process what happened and how I might go back to when things were really, really good. Or recapture an opportunity to generate a different outcome than parting ways.

It all comes down to one wrenching word: agency. Wrenching because sometimes it means making that really, really important decision when we just want someone to tell us what to do.  Or it might mean that the choices of others—or even our own—cause us hurt and pain. But really agency is truthfully and remarkably beautiful, freeing, eternally essential.  So essential that a full-blown war occurred before any of us ever got to Earth. And so pivotal that even when we use it erroneously--or especially when we use it erroneously--a Savior paid the price of suffering and ultimately his life so that we could change. Repent. Start over. Or be healed from the effects of the choices of others--if we choose, and if we let Him heal us.

I have felt strongly that Heavenly Father respects our agency and that that’s one of life’s lessons we were sent to learn:      

“Know this, that every soul is free to choose his life and what he'll be; for this eternal truth is given: that God will force no man to heaven. He'll call, persuade, direct aright, and bless with wisdom, love, and light, in nameless ways be good and kind, but never force the human mind.” (Hymn #240)

So I make choices.  Others makes choices.  And God has a plan for my life.  With all these ingredients I sometimes still wonder:   

"Which part is mine? And Lord, which part is yours? If you'll tell me one more time, I'm never quite sure. I won't cross the line, like I have before, if you'll tell me which part is mine and which part is yours." (Michael McLean)

Something clicked for me during Katrina's lesson a couple of Sundays ago on Choices by President Monson. She told the story of President Eyring's wife choosing to keep the influence of the Spirit in her life. When President Eyring saw her, he knew this was a woman who lived with that influence and was drawn to her. The soon-to-be Sister Eyring was choosing what type of person she wanted to become—not the exact course her life would take. 

Couldn’t I do the same then?  It felt right.  I realized that the only thing I truly have complete control over is the type of person I choose to become.  And if I use my agency for that purpose, I can trust that my Heavenly Father will guide my life down the path He has for me.  The funny thing is, when we choose who we’ll become, and those choices make us more like the Savior, we are choosing the path—back to His presence someday. 

There’s one more choice I wanted to mention that brings freedom:  accountability.  This last thought, and then I’m done:  it can drive us crazy when someone else has the remote to the TV.  They might channel surf, pass shows we enjoy, land on a show we can’t stand, and just when we’ve convinced ourselves we can handle watching, they’re off surfing again.  (I grew up with 8 siblings if you haven’t experienced this.)  The irony is that we frequently pass the remote for our emotional well-being over to other people and their choices.  We allow them to push buttons, determine our mood, and look to them to fix our lacking happiness.  That’s a hefty responsibility—one that others can’t carry.  Nor do they often choose to.  But the Savior can.  And He will.  As we choose to accept accountability for all that we think, say, and do—and for our happiness, He can help us.  Not only can He heal us as we turn to Him, He can teach us how to perceive things, how to respond, how to speak to others, how to forgive, how to let go, how to trust, how to obey, and a myriad of other choices we make to become more like Him. 

“What manner of men ought ye to be?...even as I am.” (3 Nephi 27:27)

As you choose to turn to Him, may your burdens be lighter.  May you feel liberated.  And may the only heaviness you feel be a heart heavy with gratitude for who you are, who you may become, and for a loving Heavenly Father who wants you truly to be happy.