On Being Genuine - healing rather than hiding

I've been wanting to write about this tender experience for a long time now ...
On Monday, March 7th my 28 year old niece Kristi (now 29), died due to an accidental heroin overdose. Read her obituary HERE.

When I found out, I was overcome with emotion and I couldn't think straight and I was so so so upset. I didn't know quite what to do. As the Relief Society president, I had a few things that night I had planned on taking care of and a few others things I wanted to do later that week. I knew I was not going to be able to handle them in the emotional state I was in so I handed things over to my presidency and the compassionate service leaders immediately. It was so nice to be able to do that. Initially, I told them to keep this all quiet because I didn't want a lot of attention drawn to me or to make the whole situation/circumstance become everyone else's problem etc.

That week, I just happened to read this conference talk, "On Being Genuine" by President Uchtdorf. It really touched me and so many things he said in this talk spoke to me. Here is one part I loved:

Kristi and Kari's (twin nieces) high school graduation in 2005

The Church is not an automobile showroom—a place to put ourselves on display so that others can admire our spirituality, capacity, or prosperity. It is more like a service center, where vehicles in need of repair come for maintenance and rehabilitation.

And are we not, all of us, in need of repair, maintenance, and rehabilitation?
We come to church not to hide our problems but to heal them.

I realized I needed help and by keeping it all quiet, I wasn't allowing others to help me and I wasn't allowing myself to receive the emotional help I needed. I had some visits scheduled on Wednesday night and I debated about cancelling them or going on them and sharing with the sisters what had happened. After reading this, I knew that I needed to go and visit these sisters. I had an amazing experience - I received the help and comfort and support I needed at that time - that I didn't even realize I needed. We visited three of our lovely RS sisters and each one of them offered their testimony and love and support as I shared with them what was going on in my life. It was a powerful experience and a great lesson to me on being genuine (not hiding my problems). I will always remember those visits and the support and love I felt from not only those sisters we visited but by so many of you as you learned about this tragic event.

Kristi and me at the top of the Y in 2012.

My heart still hurts for the loss of this niece. She was only 10 years younger than me and we were close. I spent a lot of time with her growing up and even as adults - she lived with me for a time as I tried to help her with her addiction etc. She was my golfing and basketball buddy and we loved a lot of the same music. Now, a month later, I'm not grieving on the same level as I was that first week - I can function, I am no longer in shock - but I recognize the importance of sharing and being real.

Before my mission in 1997 - Kristi is on my left.

My sister (Kristi's mother) insisted that the exact cause of death be listed in her obituary. This served as another example of being genuine. She felt that by being honest about how Kristi died, others would benefit - perhaps find the help they need to overcome an addiction, or maybe think twice before trying some kind of addictive substance etc. This obituary also helped us all see Kristi as a real person, with likes and dislikes and with real dreams and struggles. Kristi was absolutely herself in every way. She had a hard time accepting love from others, and obviously love from our Heavenly Father and His son. But she had hope ... she spent the weekend before she died going through the Provo City Center temple open house (an experience she requested and sought out).

I know our Heavenly Father loves all of us with a perfect love, a love that none of us can comprehend with our limited and mortal bodies. I know Kristi is okay. The fact that she knew better and still made bad choices, is okay because we all do that almost every day. I know that because of the Atonement of Christ, we can be forgiven of our sins and we can find peace when mourning the death of a loved one. I found a lot of comfort in many of your testimonies, experiences, insights, and hugs that were offered to me at that time. 

Thank you so much. And thank you for allowing me to share this with you now. I'm so blessed to know you all and have you in my life!