Friendship (post by Tara Fitzgerald)

The value of friendship is something that has been on my mind for quite a while. Friendship is at the heart of every good relationship, and love is at the heart of every good friendship: “Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.” John 15:13.

The Prophet Joseph Smith said that “Friendship is one of the grand fundamental principles of ‘Mormonism’; [it is designed] to revolutionize and civilize the world, and cause wars and contentions to cease and men to become friends and brothers. …” The power of friendship to bring peace, joy and love is very real in our personal lives as well as in the world. 

One of the greatest things we can do to increase the value of our relationships with others is to focus on true friendship. I love the scripture in the Book of Mormon in which Lehi tells Zoram: “I know that thou art a true friend unto my son, Nephi, forever.” 2 Ne 1:30. First of all, it makes me happy to know that Nephi had a true friend in Zoram, but it also makes me pause and think what that means—what kind of things did Zoram say and do that caused Lehi to know he was Nephi’s true friend?

True friendship is charity. Moroni teaches us that charity suffers long, is kind, envies not, is not puffed up, seeks not her own, is not easily provoked, thinks no evil, rejoices not in iniquity but rejoices in the truth, bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things. Moroni 7:45. Being a true friend means helping others choose the right and being forgiving, loving, patient, and believing. It means desiring what is best for others, even if it comes at personal sacrifice to us. This is a glorious feeling—it is what eternal relationships are made of.

In his June 2006 Ensign article, Elder Lynn A. Mickelsen states: “Based on the pure love of Christ, [true friendship] is security and trust between two individuals and is ‘stronger than the cords of death’ because it transcends this mortal existence.” I will never forget an email that was sent to one of my friends after her and a young man she had been dating broke up. In the email, this young man thanked her for being a true friend. This touched my heart. I feel that it is one of the greatest compliments we can ever receive. I know that focusing on true friendship in any relationship brings fruits of peace, joy, healing, security, and love.

True friendship provides meaning and “is an anchor for the soul.” Mickelsen, June 2006 Ensign. Joseph Smith felt the power of true friendship while in hiding in August of 1842. He wrote the following about family members and friends who came to visit him: “How good and glorious it has seemed unto me, to find pure and holy friends, who are faithful, just, and true, and whose hearts fail not.” Likewise, in setting forth the Order of the School of the Prophets, Joseph Smith commented on the everlasting covenant “in which covenant I receive you to fellowship, in a determination that is fixed, immovable, and unchangeable, to be your friend and brother through the grace of God in the bonds of love, to walk in all the commandments of God blameless, in thanksgiving, forever and ever.” D&C 88:133.

I have felt the blessing of true friendship in my life and thank Heavenly Father often for this. The hymn, “Each Life that Touches Ours for Good” has always touched my heart because it causes me to reflect on all the friends the Lord has filled my life with that have made my life rich, joyful, and full:

What greater gift dost thou bestow,

What greater goodness can we know

Than Christlike friends, whose gentle ways

Strengthen our faith, enrich our days.

For worthy friends whose lives proclaim

Devotion to the Savior’s name,

Who bless our days with peace and love,

We praise thy goodness, Lord, above.

I know that God is good and that He is the giver of all good gifts, including blessed friends. We need to be the kind of friend we hope to find in others. I know that making time for friendships and relationships will bring increased joy and richness to our lives and prepare us for Heaven. “ . . . [H]eaven is other people. Heaven will be heaven because of the other people who will be there. And experiencing heaven on earth will ultimately depend, to a large degree, on the quality of our relationships with others.” It is Not Good That . . . Man Should Be Alone,” Kevin J Worthen, BYU Devotional, January 5, 2016.

Being a true friend will increase the value of every relationship we have, whether it be with siblings, parents, roommates, significant others, and above all, with our Savior, Jesus Christ, and Heavenly Father. I know that Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ are our Eternal Friends, and that as we focus on being a true friend to others, our friendship with Them will increase as well. May we be called a “Friend of God” as was Abraham, and be the true friend to Them that they are to us. In this we will come to know Them and find eternal life. John 17:3.

　

Are you happy?

One of my dad's favorite scriptures is 2 Nephi 15:27: And it came to pass that we lived after the manner of happiness.

I've been thinking lately about what we all really want in life ... isn't it happiness? Happiness for ourselves and those we love?

So ... what makes us happy? How can you and me "live after the manner of happiness?"

As I've looked back on my life, I've found that when I go through difficult times, such as losing a loved one or failed relationships, I tend to isolate myself and feel sorry for myself. While I think these actions and feelings aren't necessarily wrong, they definitely don't bring me happiness.

Since I've been serving in the Relief Society presidency (as a counselor) and now as the president, I can honestly say that I've never been happier. I'm surrounded by amazing daughters of our Heavenly Father. I love visiting with each of you and getting to know you a little bit. I see your talents and the awesome things you are doing in with your lives. It brings me happiness. I feel so blessed to have this calling and I love each one of you. I sincerely want every one of you to be happy.

As I've been thinking about what makes us happy, I've come across a few resources in my gospel study that have helped me answer this question. I'd like to share them with you with the hope that you will read them and find what you think will help you and then apply it to you life.

• Finding Your Life by Elder Christofferson

“When we are engaged in the service of our fellowmen, not only do our deeds assist them, but we put our own problems in a fresher perspective. When we concern ourselves more with others, there is less time to be concerned with ourselves! In the midst of the miracle of serving, there is the promise of Jesus that by losing ourselves, we find ourselves! [See Matthew 10:39.]

“Not only do we ‘find’ ourselves in terms of acknowledging divine guidance in our lives, but the more we serve our fellowmen in appropriate ways, the more substance there is to our souls. … We become more substantive as we serve others—indeed, it is easier to ‘find’ ourselves because there is so much more of us to find!”

• Mormon Message - Lift Others, Heal Yourself

• The Fantasy and Reality of Your Royal Identity by Sarah M. Coyne
• this the the devotional talk that the bishop emailed out to us right after it was delivered

I love this quote from President Uchtdorf (Pride and Priesthood, Oct 2010):

We don’t discover humility by thinking less of ourselves; we discover humility by thinking less about ourselves. It comes as we go about our work with an attitude of serving God and our fellowman.

I would add that we also discover happiness not by thinking less OF ourselves but less ABOUT ourselves. 

Be happy my friends! Take care and serve each other!

 

Meet Hilary Dilmore

Relief Society Spotlight:

Hilary Dilmore

Although Hilary is relatively new to our ward, she won’t be with us for long. She is getting married July 23^rd in the Provo City Center Temple! She met her fiancé, Angel Saña, coming to the United States from the Dominican Republic on LDSPlanet. So, congratulate her the next time you see her and get to know this amazing sister before your opportunity is gone.

 Small-Town Girl

Hilary was born in Brigham City and spent her entire childhood in Corinne, a small town six miles outside Brigham City, population 685. Hilary loved growing up in a small town and said she didn’t just grow up in a family, she grew up in the neighborhood. The children in the town were always outside playing in the woods and down by the river. The parents and the children felt safe and didn’t worry about them, which made for a very social and interactive childhood.

Hilary was third in a family of six children, with two brothers and three sisters, most of whom still live in Utah, but one sister is Germany. Hilary lived with her there for two-and-a-half years. She currently has seven nephews and three nieces.

Hilary has fond memories of camping when she was younger, and remembers that something always seemed to go wrong, but these experiences created great memories. Once, when camping in Mexico, their boat filled up with water and the ended up spending the night on the beach. Another time, the trailer behind their vehicle lost a wheel and they looked on in astonishment as it passed up their car on the road and rolled into a gas station. 

Another family vacation took them to Yellowstone. This was a memorable experience for many reasons. When Hilary’s grandparents were newlyweds, they spent their honeymoon there. Now, at 87, with her husband deceased the year before, Hilary’s grandmother requested that they go one more time to commemorate.

Although things weren’t always easy at home and they faced many family struggles, Hilary’s dad was a great example to her. Her father was abused as a child by his father and had a difficult relationship with him. But Hilary remembers that when she was a teenager, her grandpa called her dad and said that he had nowhere to go and needed someone to pick him up. He ended up spending the last eight years of his life living with them. Her dad’s forgiveness and capacity to love impressed Hilary and had a great influence on her.

Changes Ahead!

               Hilary has many exciting adventures ahead. In addition to getting married in a little over a month, she plans to enroll in the Pathways program this fall to begin studying financial planning and management. Hilary is interested in this field because she wants to better understand money and know what she needs to do to plan for her own future.

               Hilary stays busy working two different jobs (one full-time and one part-time) at two daycares and planning for her upcoming nuptials. She and her fiancé are both introverts and like to spend their discretionary time hanging out at home or driving or biking up the canyon or spending time in parks and nature. She was in the choir in high school and enjoys singing, but mostly just sings on her own and this point in life. She has a love of all kinds of music and her radio often lands on pop music. She is an avid reader of all genres, but likes Fantasy and SciFi in particular. Although she doesn’t go out to eat often, she chooses Italian when she does. She likes to bake and cook and her specialty is cheesecake.

One of Hilary’s best traits is that she is a good listener. In fact, if she could go to lunch and listen to anyone, she would like to visit with William the Conqueror. She loves that part of European history and would want to hear the story of his warpath from him.

Stalwart and True

               Hilary felt that her testimony was truly strengthened and solidified on her mission. She remembers one experience in the MTC in particular. She was teaching one of the investigators, testified, felt the spirit, and knew the gospel was true. She served in the Arizona, Phoenix mission. Her mission president, President Gill, had a tremendous impact on her. She appreciated his knowledge of the gospel and his focus on the development of the missionaries rather than on numbers. She knew he wanted them to strive to be the best that they could be and felt his love and concern for them. Although her mission was a great experience, the heat was a challenge. The first six months she was there in Phoenix, she experienced 110 degree plus weather on a regular basis.

               One of her favorite mission experiences was teaching an investigator in Flagstaff. She had just recently been transferred into a threesome and because the other two sisters knew the investigator and her concerns and it was her first visit with the investigator, she let them conduct and dominate the discussion. At one point, though, the investigator made a comment and Hilary felt impressed that she needed to say something in response. Several weeks later, the investigator came up to her and told her that her comment had really made an impression. Hilary, who had been sitting quietly, bore an amazing testimony that had a strong impact on the investigatory. The investigator’s remark then had a strong impact on Hilary and she knew that she was making a difference as an instrument in the Lord’s hands.

               Hilary’s favorite hymn is Be Still My Soul and she loves to hear President Eyring speak. She appreciates the emotion that she feels from him and the spirit that he brings through his talks. Hilary believes that a good rule of thumb to remember is that: 

“You are no further ahead or further behind than Heavenly Father knew you would be right now.”

My Memories of the Oak Hill 8th Ward

In an effort to follow the Stake Presidency’s directive and collect a ward history, here are some of my memories, thoughts, and feelings of the Oak Hills 8^th Ward. I’ve been in the ward for nearly 4 years now, and I have had a lot of wonderful experiences and have met great people.

I first came to the ward when the bishop was Bishop McLean. What I remember most about the McLeans was their focus on preparedness and becoming self-reliant. We had more than one lesson on emergency preparedness, and I still remember Sister McLean demonstrating how nylons could be used in a pinch to grow radishes, beans, and other greens. Bishop McLean was always encouraging and taught me how to focus on the positive aspects of life’s trials.

One of the annual events held in the 8^th Ward is the Service Auction where members of the ward donate various foods, service, etc., to be auctioned off to ward members. I remember that one year there were certain “items” that garnered so many bidders that the donors decided to double their donation to members of the ward. It was heartening to see so many people donating their time and efforts to help members of the ward and to see so much money collected for charity.

Another aspect of the ward that I’ve been involved in is Book Club. My home teacher, Brent Lybbert, saw the wall of books in my parents’ home and mistakenly thought that I was a prolific reader and a perfect fit to lead the Book Club. How could I say no? (Though I thought that the cat would be let out of the bag quickly, they still haven’t kicked me out—yet). We’ve read wonderful books, difficult books, short stories and even had a nice performance of a Shakespearean prologue (thank you, Brooke Wilkins). We read The Alchemist, Left to Tell, Tuesdays With Morrie, and The Legend of Sleepy Hollow. One of my personal favorites was The Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis which really gave me perspective on life, and on the right and wrong way to live it. I met some great people including Elicia Hansen and Michael Fritchen who were our stalwarts in the club. It was a great way to spend time—talking about the themes and ideas from our books and applying them to the Gospel.

The recent fireside by Diona Lewis also sticks out in my mind. Listening to her share her story and experiences, I was amazed and inspired by her continual faith in our Heavenly Father and her willingness to accept whatever life handed to her.

One of my favorite memories of the 8^th Ward is the Orem Relief Society and the friends that I made there. I remember my amazing visiting teaching companion, Alisa Berryhill, who was always so positive and encouraged all around her. I remember a card night with my visiting teachers where we ate and laughed as we played cards (and I learned that Tara Fitzgerald is very good at any game). I remember visits from the Relief Society Presidency (Heather Porter, Mindy Johnson, Kerri Banister, and Alisa Berryhill) where we talked and laughed and just enjoyed each other’s company for a couple of hours (sorry, I am a talker). I remember great teachers, lots of laughter (thank you, Mikelle Ostler), and a great deal of kindness and compassion as we came together as a relief society. I remember sisters feeling comfortable asking real questions and sharing difficult experiences. Sisters shared their testimony of a loving Heavenly Father and how Jesus Christ and the Atonement had shaped their lives. The Spirit was always so strong as we listened to in-tune and well prepared teachers and leaders who genuinely cared about the sisters, and who the sisters genuinely loved. As Adrienne Woolley was fond of saying, it was like walking into Zion every Sunday.

It has been a great privilege to walk among such great people and spiritual giants in this ward. I am continually amazed at the insight and spiritual understanding of the brothers and sisters in this ward. We have all had wonderful spiritual experiences here, and I am grateful for my time in this ward.

Kirsten Shumway

Choice & Accountability--and Happiness

I believe in a loving Heavenly Father who wants us to get what we want. I believe that He generously grants us anything he can that will make us happy. So why do we not always get what we want?  Why when we rock the interview do we not get the job? Or when we work really hard to be patient with that family member or coworker keep experiencing run-ins or conflict? And what about that relationship on a seemingly great trajectory--Finally, this might be it!--that suddenly falls to pieces? It can be really difficult making sense of certain situations, and we're left asking, "What happened?" or "Where did I do wrong?" Especially with this last example, I have found myself spending hours, days, weeks even--and a lot of tears--trying to process what happened and how I might go back to when things were really, really good. Or recapture an opportunity to generate a different outcome than parting ways.

It all comes down to one wrenching word: agency. Wrenching because sometimes it means making that really, really important decision when we just want someone to tell us what to do.  Or it might mean that the choices of others—or even our own—cause us hurt and pain. But really agency is truthfully and remarkably beautiful, freeing, eternally essential.  So essential that a full-blown war occurred before any of us ever got to Earth. And so pivotal that even when we use it erroneously--or especially when we use it erroneously--a Savior paid the price of suffering and ultimately his life so that we could change. Repent. Start over. Or be healed from the effects of the choices of others--if we choose, and if we let Him heal us.

I have felt strongly that Heavenly Father respects our agency and that that’s one of life’s lessons we were sent to learn:      

“Know this, that every soul is free to choose his life and what he'll be; for this eternal truth is given: that God will force no man to heaven. He'll call, persuade, direct aright, and bless with wisdom, love, and light, in nameless ways be good and kind, but never force the human mind.” (Hymn #240)

So I make choices.  Others makes choices.  And God has a plan for my life.  With all these ingredients I sometimes still wonder:   

"Which part is mine? And Lord, which part is yours? If you'll tell me one more time, I'm never quite sure. I won't cross the line, like I have before, if you'll tell me which part is mine and which part is yours." (Michael McLean)

Something clicked for me during Katrina's lesson a couple of Sundays ago on Choices by President Monson. She told the story of President Eyring's wife choosing to keep the influence of the Spirit in her life. When President Eyring saw her, he knew this was a woman who lived with that influence and was drawn to her. The soon-to-be Sister Eyring was choosing what type of person she wanted to become—not the exact course her life would take. 

Couldn’t I do the same then?  It felt right.  I realized that the only thing I truly have complete control over is the type of person I choose to become.  And if I use my agency for that purpose, I can trust that my Heavenly Father will guide my life down the path He has for me.  The funny thing is, when we choose who we’ll become, and those choices make us more like the Savior, we are choosing the path—back to His presence someday. 

There’s one more choice I wanted to mention that brings freedom:  accountability.  This last thought, and then I’m done:  it can drive us crazy when someone else has the remote to the TV.  They might channel surf, pass shows we enjoy, land on a show we can’t stand, and just when we’ve convinced ourselves we can handle watching, they’re off surfing again.  (I grew up with 8 siblings if you haven’t experienced this.)  The irony is that we frequently pass the remote for our emotional well-being over to other people and their choices.  We allow them to push buttons, determine our mood, and look to them to fix our lacking happiness.  That’s a hefty responsibility—one that others can’t carry.  Nor do they often choose to.  But the Savior can.  And He will.  As we choose to accept accountability for all that we think, say, and do—and for our happiness, He can help us.  Not only can He heal us as we turn to Him, He can teach us how to perceive things, how to respond, how to speak to others, how to forgive, how to let go, how to trust, how to obey, and a myriad of other choices we make to become more like Him. 

“What manner of men ought ye to be?...even as I am.” (3 Nephi 27:27)

As you choose to turn to Him, may your burdens be lighter.  May you feel liberated.  And may the only heaviness you feel be a heart heavy with gratitude for who you are, who you may become, and for a loving Heavenly Father who wants you truly to be happy.